You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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