So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
