told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
