Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
