Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
