The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
