Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
