Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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