I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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