The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
