He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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