I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
