Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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