strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
