Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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