I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize