i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
