i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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