It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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