I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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