If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
