Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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