Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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