Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
