as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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