We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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