I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
