I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
