Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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