You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
