This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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