Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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