im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
