Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I smell stomach acid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
