you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
