where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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