I wanna bring you to show and tell
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize