my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
