you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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