My hand turned me down
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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