i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize