I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
