taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
