I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
