things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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