weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
then he tried to convert me to islam
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
