feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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