This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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