I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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