I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He shit in the fireplace
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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