Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
