youre lurking in front of me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
