i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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