you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
