yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
40s are totally the cure
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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