I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
