Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
