Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
