so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
