and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
