Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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