whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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