i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
