I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
