Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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