Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
